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Marriage MTC - It's OK to be who you are
Not only do I love weddings, but I’m
a believer in marriage. Even though the endurance
statistics are dismal with 50% of weddings ending in
divorce, there is a lot of wisdom available from
those that have survived.
I often ask people how long they’ve been married and
what is their best advice for couples making that
commitment today. My favourite comment was from a
fascinating lady I met through the Mission chapter
of The Valley Women’s Network. Betty MacPhee has
been happily married 48 years. She tells me her
secret to a good marriage is to recognize that “It’s
important and OK to be who you are”. She loves to
travel but her husband prefers to stay home. So
instead of staying home miserable, she and her
girlfriends travel around to various places and she
comes home to a contented husband. “You don’t need
to do everything together” she says.
The
force that brings couples together is an intense
attraction that makes them want to spend every
waking minute together. I remember spending three
hours a night on the phone with my husband when we
first started dating. Over the years the intensity
waned as we became more comfortable with each other
and children diverted our focus. There are some
days now where we’re lucky to share even a few
sentences. This doesn’t mean we’ve fallen out of
love, we’ve just evolved. It doesn’t mean the
attraction is gone either. It’s now more like the
slow burning embers that make the best roasted
marshmallows rather than the intense flame that
leaves them charred and inedible.
Some
people become attraction junkies and give up on a
relationship to seek their pheromone fix instead of
going to the next level in their existing
relationship. The result is never being satisfied
with others and ultimately yourself. We all seek
acceptance and fear rejection. Marriage is the
ultimate commitment to accept another person into
your soul. This security gives us a safe place to
be who we are and do great things.
The
trick is to discover what makes you happy. My
husband is a local school teacher and not shy about
sharing his fish stories. I know that if his stress
level is getting high, it’s time to send him out on
the boat. He always comes home happy with or
without a fish. We all need to have something that
we like to do and allow ourselves the time to do
it.
As
my friend Betty says, “It’s important and OK to be
who you are.” |
