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Interfaith Marriage
Before transportation became so fast and accessible,
we lived in insular communities for generations. We
now move around the globe and mingle with many
cultures and faiths. We’ve raised our families to
be accepting of all cultures, and so it shouldn’t be
surprising that we’re falling in love with each
other too.
In
no other time in history has interfaith marriage
been so prevalent. Faith is the basis of our values
and foundation from which we make our choices in
life. Given the enormity of this, it’s bound to be
controversial when attempting to combine different
and sometimes opposing faiths.
Some of the challenges to an interfaith marriage can
be finding an officiant, combining two sets of
traditions without upsetting families and creating a
ceremony that reflects your commitment and your
common values. The first question to ask is what
type of ceremony do you both envision? You may have
to consider many aspects. Is one of you more
actively religious than the other, is one of you
non-religious, or do you have strict religious
parents? You may have to work to find common
ground.
If
you choose to have a religious ceremony, discuss
with each of your religious representatives what
their policies are on how and where you can marry.
There may be restrictions. To keep the peace you
might choose a neutral non-religious ceremony
location like an outdoor facility. Some religious
representatives may be open to sharing the stage so
you can both be represented. You may have to choose
one over the other.
Either way, it’s a good idea to take courses in each
other’s religions to give greater understanding of
each other’s beliefs and assumptions. Agree in
advance that the study isn’t to convert but to know
each other better. This will be important as you
have children and develop a common value system and
create your own family traditions. Talk together
about what your expectations are regarding your
religious practices. Even if you are not currently
active in your faith, it’s important to understand
how you were raised. It will have an affect on how
you will want to raise your children.
Be
patient with parents as they learn to accept your
choice to add a new belief system into your family.
This can be very frightening to them as they may
have very strong feelings on the consequences of
your choice. Try not to be defensive and listen to
their concerns. If you can show that you understand
where they are coming from and have a plan for the
future, they’ll likely be more willing to hear your
plan. It is important to recognize that they are
concerned because they love you and want you to have
a good life.
An
interfaith marriage will require a little more work
to create a ceremony that reflects and respects both
of your beliefs, but it is possible. And you can
have a successful marriage especially, if you learn
enough about each other’s beliefs to build a common
value system that will provide a solid foundation
for your future together.
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