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Negotiating Mutually
Beneficial Agreements
Weddings are highly emotional events. This is
because two people have committed the rest of their
lives together and have invited everyone they love
to celebrate with them. All this emotion can lead
to some pretty heated battles.
What if your parents want too much say in financial
matters or they don’t like your choice of
companion? Even if you and your fiancé, both have
the same vision for your wedding, you still have to
agree on the combined guest list, program, type of
ceremony and many other areas including where to go
on your honeymoon. Your wedding party will want
some participation in choosing their attire,
especially if they are paying for it. You may think
vendors will just concede to anything you ask
because you’re paying them, but they too will not
only have opinions, but also are great resources of
experience and expertise. So how do you not only
avoid the heated battle that can ruin the harmony of
your day, but both get what you want?
According to negotiation experts Roger Fisher and
William Ury, in “Getting to Yes”, the first step is
to separate the people from the problem.
Participants should see each other as working
together to attack the problem, not each other.
Second is to find out what the underlying interests
are. If you recognize that you both want the
wedding to be successful and happy, you have
something to work together on. Next, think about a
variety of options for mutual gain. Finally, agree
on an objective criterion so that neither party
feels they need give in to the other.
Ego and pride can be huge obstacles when trying to
come up with solutions under pressure. Give the
other party the opportunity to save face. This is
especially important with parents. Parents can be
extremely emotional when it comes to their children
and are not always the mature ones. The term ‘mama
bear’ is descriptive of just how extreme those
emotions can get. The reason they act this way is
because they love you so much. Try to keep
perspective and acknowledge that support as well as
their concerns.
Everyone wants to be understood. By working
together for mutually beneficial outcomes, you will
create a harmonious and warm environment for
everyone to benefit. |
